Sunday, August 7, 2011

Dick Clark, Juan Ponce de Leon, & My Husband

I have written several blogs, and the topics have been varied. However, there is one topic that I seem to write more about than any other. The topic that I am referring to is my husband. God love him, he gives me such great material that I can't help but write about him. This week has been no exception, so here goes....

He is forever asking sales clerks, and other random people, that don't know him, how old they think he is. I have to admit that 99.9 percent of the time they guess him to be at least ten years younger than his actual age.

I usually just keep my mouth shut, and walk away, although he doesn't necessarily deserve this kindness from me. I say this because when he speaks about my being in my forties, he makes me sound as if I'm about as useful, at this point, as a trap door in the bottom of a canoe.

Anyway... this past week he asked a sales woman to guess his age and Lord help me she gave him an answer of 32 years. He is 50..I thought I was going to have to stick a pin in his head just so he could get back in the car.

My first thought was to say yes he's 32 and you can go home with him if you'd like because I am not going to be able to tolerate living with him after your genius estimation. I mean really, this woman should work in an amusement park, or traveling fair. I'm just saying, with that kind of talent her working in retail sales is nothing more than a pure crying shame.

It's not that I am jealous, although I can't say I wouldn't love to look 32 myself. It's just that hearing it from him so much has become insufferable. I finally just went ahead and diagnosed him with "Dick Clark Syndrome" and asked him if we could just leave it at that.

I have no illusions about not looking my age. I know perfectly well that I do. I will also admit to buying every kind of youth serum and skin cream known to man and I will continue to do so, but I am well aware that I am not going to win that battle.

My husband, on the other hand, walks around like his bff is Juan Ponce de Leon, and they just had lunch and it included plenty of drinking water straight from the fountain. He's as delusional about his age as I would be if I thought that every time I sprayed my Este Lauder Youth Dew perfume on it took ten years off of mine.

Okay so now that I've explained the situation and what I'm dealing with I have to give it to him...He does actually look younger than he is by more than just a couple of years...

I do wish that he could find it in his heart to cut me a little slack about my age...I mean he may be Dick Clark on the outside, but I know his secrets...

You see...It's my reading glasses that he reaches for when we are in a restaurant and he would like to actually see a menu...It's me that knows he likes himself an occasional nap, and it's me that helps him celebrate those birthdays he has every June that pushes his chronological age further and further away from that 30 mark...

Let me just leave him with this...Honey you might be the keeper of youth, but as you continue to get older..never forget that I am the keeper of your secrets...
 
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