Friday, March 9, 2012

Shower Blindness: A Condition Of The Middle Aged Woman

I am at the age now that I have to admit I need my glasses. I need them to read menus, labels, directions, just about anything. My husband, even though he's older than I am, remains in denial.

Although I have convinced myself that the glasses are just an accessory, I am still standing on the front line against wrinkles, because I am positive they are not now, nor could they ever be, an accessory.

With my defense against wrinkles in mind I have purchased just about every day cream, night cream, wrinkle filler, acidic peel, dark spot remover,and facial scrub known to man.

Anyway, let me put the two together for you, so that you know where I am going with this. I went into the bathroom this morning and prepared to take a shower. I took my glasses off and put them on the counter.

I decided that I would use one of my new facial scrubs in the shower that I haven't tried yet (Still looking for that miracle). I was going to exfoliate like no body's business.

Let me just say that it seemed like a good idea at the time. The first thing I did, after I got in, was look on the back of the tube to read the directions. Good Lord, they were so small they may as well have saved their ink. I couldn't read a single word. I can't even see things of a decent size anymore, much less trying to see something under running water that's written in fine print. It's a wonder I haven't hit a main artery just trying to shave my legs.

The fact that I was going to be unable to read the directions in the shower never crossed my mind. I simply wasn't thinking clearly. Maybe that was because I feel confident that I know how to use shampoo: wash, rinse, repeat, and I also have enough sense at this point to know to leave my conditioner on for 3 or 4 minutes.

Facial scrubs were so simple when I was a teenager, but now there can be several steps involved. The thing is, with a new product, that is to be used near my eyes, containing God only knows what, that is suppose to help me scrub my skin down to reveal my hidden youth, I feel much better when I have a little direction.

I mean good Lord, I could just hear myself explaining to my husband that I had caused myself to go blind while in the shower trying to exfoliate.

At that point, I stuck my arm out of the shower and reached for my glasses. I was a little hesitant to do it, because I wasn't really very thrilled at the idea of a clearer visual than I already had of myself in my birthday suit, but I just couldn't risk losing my sight to avoid it.

I found the glasses and put them on. Did they help me in my quest for a more youthful look? No they did not. They immediately fogged up and were rendered useless.

My first thought was that I needed to find some of that stuff that people put on their windshields to keep them from fogging up in the rain and spray my glasses with it, but then I decided that was ridiculous and just became frustrated.

I gave the tube a fling right out of the shower and the glasses went behind it. I washed my face with a bar of Dove soap and decided to give myself a break from the facial products for today, due to the stress factor.

It's now almost 9:30 p.m. and I haven't put so much as a drop of lotion on my face, which is a record for me. I probably look a hot mess, but on the upside I don't know for sure, because my glasses are still on the bathroom floor...

I am sure that I will give up my resolve in the morning, and resume the use of my lotions and potions, but for tonight, I'm over it...I have to get some rest...I heard somewhere that stress causes wrinkles...

Besides...Tomorrow I have to write that company about their fine print..They obviously need some enlightenment. Can they be that seriously ignorant about the fact that there won't be a twenty five year old in the shower with 20/20 vision trying to read the directions on the back of their product...I can't be tired when I try to explain to them all that they have put me through...

Who knows..maybe they'll write me back or call me and I can offer to come in and pour water over their heads while they try to read the fine print on their product with a pair of fogged up reading glasses..You know, sort of a reenactment..I want them to get a feel for just what I'm trying to say...Nothing like having the true experience for oneself to drive the point home...
 
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